James Martin hates cyclists.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/moslive/article-1211917/JAMES-MARTIN-The-Tesla-Roadster-electric-supercar-thats-fast-Ferrari.html#ixzz0R5re16Nz

It's so sad these days that people born with the unfortunate intolerance gene and people raised by parents who have that same gene just can't get away with much bigotry these days. Obama's in the Whitehouse, and his main competitors were Clinton and Palin--two women! What's a bigot to do? Well, ask James Martin. This BBC personality recently wrote the following in his review of a high-end car:

"[W]henever I drive to London, dutifully paying my £8 for the privilege (on top of my road tax, petrol tax, parking and all the other rip-offs), without fail a cyclist will rap on my window and make some holier-than-thou comment, before zooming off through a red light where he knows I can't get him.

God, I hate those cyclists. Every last herbal tea-drinking, Harriet Harman-voting one of them. That's one of the reasons I live in the countryside, where birds tweet, horses roam, pigs grunt and Lycra-clad buttocks are miles away. But recently, there's been a disturbing development.

Each Saturday, a big black truck appears at the bottom of my road, with bikes stuck to the roof and rear. Out of it step a bunch of City-boy ponces in fluorescent Spider-Man outfits, shades, bum bags and stupid cleated shoes, who then pedal around our narrow lanes four abreast with their private parts alarmingly apparent. Do they enjoy it? They never smile. I'm sure they just come here to wind me up.

[...]

Twenty minutes into my test drive I pulled round a leafy bend, enjoying the birdsong - and spotted those damned Spider-Man cyclists. Knowing they wouldn't hear me coming, I stepped on the gas, waited until the split second before I overtook them, then gave them an almighty blast on the horn at the exact same time I passed them at speed.

The look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge was the best thing I've ever seen in my rear-view mirror. I think this could be the car for me."

This is a popular sentiment anywhere one looks.  Anti-cycling hatred abounds (hence this blog). And so, of course, our lovely bigot had found his outlet. But then public outrage ensued. It looks good, hard-working, decent, self-centred, solipsistic folk just can't find any freedom of hatred this days!

So, in response to the public outrage, he wrote this:

"It was never my intention to offend the many cyclists who share our roads across the country. What was intended to be a humorous piece was clearly misjudged. Further more I do not condone any form of reckless driving.

Once again, I am sincerely sorry for any upset caused in relation to this article."

Of course that was humour! Duh! "Clearly" it was everyone else's fault that you were deliberately and dangerously cruel. It's our fault for misjudging your angelic humour. Phrases like "all the other rip-offs", "holier-than-thou", "God, I hate those [insert people here]", "city-boy ponces", "tree-huggers", and "bleeding-heart" are clearly light-hearted fun aimed at building community through mirth and joy. Ah, the healing power of laughter. Thanks, Jimmie.

But Jim, it's so embarrassingly obvious that the people who pay you forced you to write your apology. I mean, it's mostly passive voice: "was intended", "was clearly misjudged", "upset caused". Nice try pal. Intended by who? By you. Misjudged by who? By the people you hurt. Caused by who? By you, guy. You, the person who wrote nasty, hurtful things. You, who are so flagrantly self-obsessed as to actually write "I'm sure they just come here to wind me up." Yes, athletes drive out to the countryside because you're such a rich-and-famous megastar and they just have to irritate you. Their lives revolve around you, as does everything else in the universe. Call Copernicus; we found the true centre of the universe! No, I see through your passive voice sentence structure there, guy.

I also see through your use of a noun instead of an active voice verb: "It was never my intention to offend..." No, you mean "I never intended..." Take credit for your hatred, dear fellow!

And when this guy does get around to an active-voice apology ("I am sincerely sorry"), he uses the dismissive "any" ("...for any upset..."). This "any" means "you know, if there really *was* any upset, which I doubt". Dear readers, don't say "any" when you apologize. It's just a bad strategy.

Then he ends with "...caused in relation to this article." Dude, the upset was not caused *in relation* to the article. It was caused BY the article. And not "by *this* article"; rather, "by YOUR article". Your underhanded, sneaky, slimy, scuzzy follow-up made you look just as bad as your hateful car review made you look.

When James Martin complains about something, that something is a "rip-off". But when a cyclist complains, the cyclist is being "holier-than-though". When someone who cares about clean air and water complains, that person is a "bleeding heart". Nice try. Cute little insults can't mask your hypocrisy, pal.

James Martin just deosn't seem like a very good guy. Sure he recycles and composts. Then he gets unabashed glee from literally terrorizing innocent people.

Really, the BBC ought to just let him go.

Of course, now the web version of the car review he wrote no longer includes his anecdote about terrorizing cyclists. That's been deleted by brilliant editors who thought the terrorizing and hatred were fine to print originally. Search "James martin cyclists" in Google. You'll find the original text.

 Most of the comments on the online text of the car review disparage Martin for his hatred. But one sure didn't! Ms. Julie Barnes of Sydney, Australia (if that's your real name), please take a bow:

"James, I could not agree more with you on the subject of these arrogant cyclists. Here in Sydney we have many, many cycle lanes to accommodate these 'car' haters, yet so many of them refuse to use them, instead risking their own lives by driving on the road. They simply have no right to be on the road, end of story!!! Car drivers pay for it, unlike the cyclists. I have myself been faced with cyclists clogging the roads (mainly around our Olympic site). One morning no less than 4 riders abreast across the road. I had no choice but to use my horn to get them out of the way. For what it's worth James I read your column on the net every week with much anticipation and you never fail to make my day and make me laugh. Keep up the good work. Oh by they way I also loooooove your cooking shows."

So, friends, watch for James Martin and Julie Barnes. They are in a hurry and don't like having to share the road with anybody who slows them down or disagrees with them.

Thanks, James and Julie, for the laughs!